Why Did Jesus Die? A Child-Centered Response
The other day, after church, a young child approached me with a question: "Why did Jesus die?"
Despite years of pastoring kids and families, I always feel a bit of hesitation in the moment when entering such deep wonderings with children. It is a weighty thing to enter into a sacred conversation with a child. These are the questions I try to pause and ask myself:
What does the child already know, and do they really need to know more?
Maybe they've seen a picture of the cross. Maybe they've heard the phrase "Jesus died for our sins." I would ask questions and get curious before trying to give them answers they aren't ready for or aren't actually looking for.
What is developmentally, emotionally, and spiritually appropriate for this age?
I don't think it's appropriate to tell a three-year-old the violent story of the Passion of the Christ. So what do I tell them? I like the Godly Play story, The Faces of Easter. This story focuses on the whole of Jesus' life and earthly ministry. Even very young children may have experienced death and loss and grief and wrestle with existential questions about life and death–so it's okay to say that Jesus died. But they don't need the gory details.
How can I make sure that my adult voice doesn't take over the child's perspective?
Ask questions! Wonder together! "What do you think about the story? What do you like about it? Does anything bother you?" Depending on their age and how much of the story they already know, you could ask, "I wonder how Jesus' friends felt? I wonder if there's a special person you miss?"
Your conversation might be clumsy, and you might say the "wrong" thing sometimes. That's okay.
Do I need more time before I answer this?
It is always okay to say, "I need more time to think about this before I answer you. Can I check back in with you about it later?" You can always come back to the conversation when you (and your child) are ready. It's also okay to say I don't know. I appreciate how Godly Play calls Easter "such a big mystery" that we need lots of time to get ready for it. It's perfectly fine to say something like: "That's a really big question, and even grown-ups don't have all the answers. But this is what I do know about the story."
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I know I didn't answer perfectly that day. Still, given her age and what she already seemed to know, I felt comfortable telling her that Jesus died because the people in charge of the Empire felt threatened by his ideas — they saw someone who was empowering the people they wanted to control, and so they stopped him.
What I did NOT say was that Jesus died for her sins.
This is dangerous, irresponsible, and bad theology.
Even if you hold to a more Evangelical or atonement view of Jesus’ death, it is still not appropriate to tell a child that Jesus died for their sins. I would argue that this is spiritual and emotional abuse. Child or adult, we can’t love Jesus out of fear, guilt, or coercion. Remember that Jesus said that the Kingdom of Heaven already belongs to children.
Jesus' death was the result of the Empire's violence. And in some great mystery, his resurrection has ushered in the salvation of the whole world — humanity as a collective, and non-human creation, too.
Children need to know they are safe and loved. Period.
Every time I end a spiritual direction or Godly Play session with kids, I give them a blessing and say, "God's love is with you wherever you go. And you are very important!" This is the hope and promise of Easter, and it is what matters the most.
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Today’s artwork is by The Rev. Cara B. Hochhalter. This is what she says about the art, which I find very fitting for today’s post:
"How could I possibly create an image of Jesus on the cross? I avoided facing this most poignant and painful scene in the Christian story. Finally, I drew the crucifixion from above and behind. From this vantage point, we do see all that is going on below the cross as recorded in John... After cutting the block, I realized that everyone (the soldiers and the disciples) are the same size. Perhaps in God’s eyes, there is incredible love for each one of us in spite of our “rightness or wrongness.” It is not so much who was good and who was bad; even the soldiers probably thought they were doing the right thing under orders. Perhaps we are to find ourselves along this winding path from grief and guilt to resurrection and reconciliation. I believe that Jesus died because he would not compromise who he was. He would not back down from his solidarity with those who had no voice... He would not cooperate with the governing bodies who were wealthy at the expense of the poor. He saw the possibilities for good and God’s infinite blessings, even in those who were seen as wrongdoers. In the face of this painful death, Jesus did not call on armies to protect him...and so, in his self-giving love, he was killed... However, this is not the end of the story."